How many times have you said this or heard someone say it? “Everything happens for a reason.” It is one of the most commonly used sayings, so why should you reconsider?
Let’s first reflect on where we most often apply this saying. It is usually when something difficult takes place that causes us emotional distress or a loss of some kind. For example, a person is hurt multiple times returning to the same pattern of relationships, and in the end, it results in more heartache and even additional losses including financial. The person may say to themselves or friends may say to this person, “Everything happens for a reason.”
So what’s so wrong with that? Once that phrase “everything happens for a reason” is said, the brain is fed an excuse for what happened. It goes into passive mode, and for some, into victim mode. There is no further analysis and therein lies the missed opportunity for new learnings that fuel growth, especially the kind that hurts and rewards you in the end. The better question to ask yourself that a friend can also ask is, “how am I (how are you) growing from what took place?”
Think about when you have most used this saying. This will help you identify patterns of when you are defaulting to it. Did you take action after you said those words? Did you reflect on what you could have done differently or improved upon? Did you evaluate the loss to offer you new insights about how to move forward, what you like and don’t like, or what cycles you are ready to break? Did you explore the phrase, “what I learned as a result of this is ________________________________ (and filled in the blank)?
What about workplace scenarios? For example, an employee is often late to work. His attitude is abrasive, especially when given feedback that will improve his performance, if applied. After moving him to two different departments, multiple managers are finding it challenging to work with him. Thus he is released from the company. He tells his family and friends. They say, “Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.” What are the chances he will reflect on what he could have done better and what he contributed to his being let go?
Be mindful of overused sayings that neutralize your ability to take ownership. If your brain does not see a problem, it does not recognize corrective action needs to happen. You must give it intel so that it can excel. Become the neutral observer of your own actions. In this way, you are not judging yourself, but rather, looking back at how things led to where they landed. If you did not like the result, evaluate your actions, identify what you would do differently, and equip your mind of what to do the next time!
Growth is the process of developing and maturing, making positive change, and new plans. Thus, the next time an opportunity comes forth for growth, face it dead on and remind yourself, “If we are growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone” – John Maxwell. Thus, even when it’s uncomfortable, do not throw away the pain. Let it know you are present to nurture it, and you will grow from it.
“The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, and struggle to reach the light.” – Sandra Kring
Written by: Jessica Morales Myers, CHt.
Founder of Be YOU Bloom®
Mental Mastery for Joyful Living & Working